Lez Be Honest

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Let’s talk about a subject near and dear to my heart.

Lesbians.

I’m a lesbian and a somewhat stereotypical one at that. I figured something was different with me at a relatively young age, but never could tell exactly what it was. I remember when I was in the fourth grade having the biggest crush on a girl that dressed and acted like a boy. Her name was Desiree, she was in the fifth grade and wore baggy jeans, baseball hats and sports Jerseys. She had her hair cut really short and spiked it with handfuls of gel just like every other guy in my grade.

I was infatuated with her, but felt really strange because every other girl my age was talking about kissing boys. So instead of expressing my want to kiss Desiree, I focused all my energy on trying to be like the rest of the girls. I over compensated and came off as “boy crazy” and liked all the popular boys every other girl liked while I silently ogled Desiree and the other tomboy-esque girls that came in and out of my school days.

Then in the seventh grade I went away to summer camp where I kissed a girl for the first time. It was a result of a dare but it meant more to me then when I was dared to kiss a boy from the opposing cabin. I didn’t tell any of my friends when I got back to school the following year but in the eighth grade I kissed another girl at a school dance. The boys in my grade loved it and she only kissed me for that very reason, to make the boys notice her.

During that summer I had an older boyfriend and just went along with the motions until my freshman year of high school. I had had a few boyfriends by then and clearly knew I really wasn’t attracted to guys my age or older but then I had my first full on girl crush. It wasn’t like another crush I had before and I knew then that I was probably a lesbian. She was a senior in my debate class and I had a sneaky suspicion that she batted for the girls team.

Needless to say nothing ever came of that situation and instead a few months later Justine came into my life and that sealed the deal. I knew that I was a lesbian and because I loved her with everything I had in my heart I couldn’t deny it or pretend to be like every other girl I knew.

I’m sure my mom has read through this post and may be upset but hopefully there will be more people out there that enjoyed this post because it might just be a retelling of their own story. I’m proud to be a lesbian and quiet honestly I love and support other lesbians.

Big, small, tall, thick, butch, stud, soft butch, femme, hippie, androgynous, Ellen DeGenerous, ummmm… there are so many others I can’t even remember right now. But, hopefully you get the point. Lesbians are pretty much amazing people.

As my favorite little beauty queen would say,

Cheers,
EA

Why 2013 Is Going To Be My Bitch – Part 2

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2013

As we all know on Tuesday 2013 began but what you didn’t know was that a little part of me was stuck in 2012. I lazed around literally all day watching an Alien movie marathon. I spent time cuddling with the pups, snacking on party leftovers and just over all relaxing with Justine. It felt good but a part of me, the 2013 part, was making me feel guilty for basking in the extra day of laziness.

Many people have resolutions to lose weight, stop smoking or dealing crack, finally clean under their bed. Whatever you resolve to do this year I hope you make it through and conclude this year thinner, sans-cigarettes, crackless and with a clean bed. But for me, the only thing I resolve to do is be a better me.

Like many people I too wish to shed a few dozen unwanted pounds but I can’t do that unless I be the best me I can imagine. I’m not going to be so lazy. I’m not going to be so defeated before even trying. I’m not going to be so down and blue and negative about everything.

Instead I’m being proactive by starting to tackle projects I’ve put off in fear of failing. I’m slowly but surely changing my daily eating habits. I’m also looking for the positives in situations and trying to not dwell on the “what if’s.”

Another non-resolution I have is to finish a story I started writing about 4 years ago and try to get it self published. To add more fuel to the fire The Beast Bakery will be relaunching in March. It’s not what you think and I hope to surprise a lot of you with the changes to come.

What are you resolving to do this year?

Cheers,
EA

Rebooting – My Juice Fast Adventure – Day 1

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Well, well, well. What do we have here? Erika fell for another diet fad? Of course! A few weeks ago my mom insisted that I watch the movie “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead.” I caved in and watched it. Then I watched it again with Justine and decided that I would take the plunge and begin juice fasting. I came up with a plan and on Black Friday I went out and bought myself a brand new juicer.

I gave myself a good solid week of being a fatty and eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Saturday evening was our engagement dinner to which I engorged myself to top capacity. Yesterday I had my last hooray eating a deliciously cheesy, melty, greasy, cheeseburger and fries after consuming two cinnamon buttered rolls from Texas Roadhouse. I had a good run.

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This morning I woke up excited and a little overwhelmed, got ready for work and juiced my breakfast and lunch. The picture above is my “Breakfast” Mean Green Juice. I accidently added too much ginger to this one, but now I know how much too much is. Originally I felt optimistic about the entire process I have started. This is an outstanding chance to start over. Really detox and get myself clean. I’ve been eating so much garbage I know my body needs this.

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I’m not wearing makeup today because I wanted to give my face a breather. Plus I wanted to show my true emotions of the moment. I feel miserable. It’s only been twelve and a half hours and already I’m feeling starved. I have a headache, fatigue and irritability. I can only imagine that this is how drug addicts and alcoholics feel while there are rehab but unfortunately I’m not at some plush resort in a comfy bed sweating it out. I’m sitting at work trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of wanting to eat the entire left side of a McDonald’s menu.

No one said this is going to be easy and I’m only have way through day 1. God help me.

Cheers,
EA

Nine Years and Six Months

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“The future for me is already a thing of the past –
You were my first love and you will be my last” – Bob Dylan

We met when we were young. I was fifteen and she was seventeen turning eighteen. We hid our love, or so we thought, for years from others but reminded each other daily. I have never been so close to another person in my whole entire life and although many thought what we share was momentary and would fade with time has only grown stronger.

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While others gave up on their journeys and have grown accustomed to failing or giving up, we continue on. At first we were against the odds, people doubted, we fought more than we should have but it gave us perseverance. The beginning was tough.

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There were times when we both gave up. Distance drove us apart. But those times we weren’t together were only passing moments because we always found our way back to one another. There were times when I hated her and when she hated me. Times when either one of us wanted nothing more than to throw in the towel and wish it all way.

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A few times money got the best of us and drove us apart. We let little fights turn into full fledged wars and we wouldn’t talk to each other for days. But through it all we’ve managed and we communicate on another level. Many people believe that we are still young and don’t know any better. We both know they’re wrong.

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We have had our fair share of rough times. We’ve seen the good and the bad. We share more memories of pleasant times when we were both content with life. It’s those things that we cherish and remember best.

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In our nine and half years we’ve already accomplished so many milestones. Graduations,  God children, puppies, buying our first home and our engagement to list a few.

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When Justine kneeled down and proposed at Disneyland it only confirmed more, if that is possible, that I’m meant to be with her for the rest of my life. This picture, as horrible quality as it may be, doesn’t do justice to the amount of sheer joy and admiration I had at that very moment in time.

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Justine, I love you more than words can express, more than stars in the galaxy, more than life itself. Six more months until the rest of our lives.

Happy nine years and six months.

Love always and forever,
Erika Ashley

Holidays & Ahas

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I’m the kind of gal that loves “The Holidays.” No, I’m not referring to an indie rock band you probably haven’t heard of, but the time of year between the Wednesday before Thanksgiving up until New Years Day.

It gives me a sense of comfort and joy. I love the cold weather and the emails about sales every other day in my inbox. The fact that everyone just accepts that they are probably going to gain at least 5lbs. I especially love the music. This year I started listening to Christmas music almost immediately after Halloween. I paced myself though, by only allowing myself to listen to an hour of the Michael Buble Christmas station on Pandora. (Which you should probably add to your Pandora stations if you haven’t already.)

 

This holiday season I will probably listen to these albums over and over and of course many more not shown. My Pandora stations will range from jazzy-holiday mixes to pop versions of Santa Baby and with every song my soul with glow with Christmas cheer.

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On Black Friday I partook in the shopping festivities however unlike last year I actually slept until 8am, rolled out of bed and then went shopping. I wasn’t about to jump head first into the craziness alone two years in a row. I’ll wait until next year when hopefully I have a shopping buddy to go with me. Once shopping was over I busted out the good ‘ole Christmas box, dusted it off and began to decorate our humble little home, while listening to Christmas music. Duh. I remembered that the following weekend I had opened a bottle of my favorite wine and didn’t want it to go to waste. So, I had a glass. Or two. Or three.

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Justine and I went out and snagged a pretty cute tree and I dressed it up in our Christmas best. Zoey thinks it’s the most amazing thing she’s ever seen because unlike the last few years we didn’t put it up on a side table so the dogs can’t get to it. Instead this year we placed it on the floor and so far so good. We still have a month until Christmas so believe me I’ll be watching those bad pups like a holiday hawk.

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Enough with the holidays already, let’s move on to the aha moments I had this weekend. On Saturday evening Justine and I headed over to our close friends, Adam & Laura’s new house. We ate, drank and played board games. As the night progressed we were tipsy and dancing and talking about life. Even while being fairly intoxicated I had an “aha! moment.” I realized a lot about how I’ve been living my life in beast mode. Head down, moving full force forward not taking time to actually enjoy being in my twenties.

My teenage years were a blur because all I wanted to do was get out of high school, get out of college, and be an adult. Well here I am. I’m an adult and what have I been doing? Trying to conquer every major life event so that I can feel accomplished and successful. But, I haven’t taken a moment to step back and think about how far I have come and reflect on what I have accomplished.

 

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Being 24 years old, I’ve already done so much and I have a lot to be thankful for and proud of. I need to slow my roll and enjoy the little things.

I’m thankful for everything I have and for all of you.

Cheers,
EA

Fatty-Fatty-Boomba-Latty

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Hello, I’m Erika Ashley and I’m fat. Not circus fat or “Holy-Fat-Batman!” but if I don’t getting my eating habits under control I might be headed in that direction. We’re almost 6 months until the wedding and a few months ago I attempted to count calories and exercise religiously.

I did really well for two almost three weeks. I weighed myself often (I know strike one), didn’t consult my doctor (strike two) and then tried to keep up with those skinny fit bitches in the P90X dvds (strike three). I burned out because of over doing it. I binged on anything and everything I could eat and didn’t stop. I haven’t gained any weight and haven’t lost so there is an upside.

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I thought I was doomed to be fat for the rest of my life and in a way I gave up on trying to be a healthy fit bride. Then recently a few subjects about eating habits and health have began to arise. The best man of our wedding and good friend of ours told us that him and his girlfriend have gone vegan because of a documentary they watched.

WHAT?!

This guy, who can eat two double bacon cheeseburgers in a sitting, went vegan over a movie?! I mean I’ve seen Food, Inc. and went pescetarian for a few weeks, but full fledged vegan? I found that hard to swallow.

Then my mom told me about a documentary she watched- Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and how she juice fasted for 10 days and lost nearly 15 pounds. She added that she hasn’t felt this good in a long time and that I just had to watch the movie. Mom emailed me the trailer and I watched it on my phone in between television commercials. I gave in a few days later and watched the entire film with Justine.

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Immediately after finishing the movie I turned to Justine and proclaimed that I will too take the Reboot challenge. I continued to research the ins and outs of this temporary diet and found nothing but positive results. Being that the entire diet is 60 days I think I can stick with it especially because of the overall payoff.

I’m starting to practice my juice diet fast by drinking my lunches and I’ve done it for the past two days. Given that tomorrow is the day of all feasts I won’t start completely going juice only until December 2nd.

I’m excited. I think I can really do this. Have you tried juicing? What are your thoughts? I’d love to read your insight.

Cheers,
EA

Whoopsie

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Whoa-nelly. I was doing so well with the Monday-Friday posts and then I got tripped up. I started to realized, holy shit we have less then a year till our wedding. The last few days I’ve been focused on getting our wedding party request cards situated. Justine and I even stayed up way past our bedtime putting together the last finishing details. Today I’ll make the envelopes and tomorrow they will be in the mail. I have to wait until next Wednesday to post pictures of the cards because I want those that get them to be surprised. 🙂

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I’m going to be disrupting the blog post schedule because just this morning I had an epiphany. It was like a gift from God straight to my cerebellum. Immediately I knew what it is I need to do in life. I need to open a mobile boutique for the Sacramento area. The second I got out of work I called my mom and broke the news. She’s heard my crack-pot business ideas before so I was bracing myself to hear the, “Erika just stay working at your job and keep on keeping on.” But, to my surprise she thought it was a wonderful idea and is fully supporting my plan.

As soon as I got home I started researching and planning. I already have a vague business plan worked out and even a possible business partner. I cannot believe this might be a reality and I’m so glad to finally be passionate about something again.

This is just the kick in the ass I’ve needed and although there is already a mobile boutique in the area, mine will kick ass. More to come.

Cheers,
EA