Doing The Most

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I am well known for “doing the most” when it comes to pretty much everything. For years, I’ve put a lot on my plate in every aspect of the cliché. From going to college full time and working full time while trying to start a craft business after hours.  To having about a trillion tiny details for my wedding and hand-making almost everything myself. To even now when I’m trying to get knocked up while only having a few short months left on my parent’s awesome healthcare coverage and starting a new career opportunity.

Seriously, I have to stop. But, how does one stop trying to conquer the world without feeling hopeless or like a failure? During the holiday season I do the most by hand-making most gifts and baking for an army of gift baskets. This year I’ve decided to cease handmade gifts  and instead headed to big box stores and gave my money to “The Man.” I also made the decision that since Justine and I will be traveling so close to Christmas I would for-go giving the baked gift baskets.

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Not making gifts was tough because I do enjoy making things and adding the personal touch to each individual present. But, spending money instead of time did take a small chip off the block. However, with the gift baskets, it’s been a tradition for me to spend an entire weekend elbows deep in batter and chocolate; creating delicious morsels to give to adoring family and friends. This part is much more difficult for me because I too love baking.

Even though I’m excited to not do the most, I feel like it’s not me and not fully Christmas. Hopefully, in the new year I won’t feel like I have to conquer the world and instead focus on just myself and what’s important to me.

As 2013 comes quickly to a close I have been reflecting much more on who I am currently and who I want to be.

What about you?

Cheers,
EA

Lez Be Honest

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Let’s talk about a subject near and dear to my heart.

Lesbians.

I’m a lesbian and a somewhat stereotypical one at that. I figured something was different with me at a relatively young age, but never could tell exactly what it was. I remember when I was in the fourth grade having the biggest crush on a girl that dressed and acted like a boy. Her name was Desiree, she was in the fifth grade and wore baggy jeans, baseball hats and sports Jerseys. She had her hair cut really short and spiked it with handfuls of gel just like every other guy in my grade.

I was infatuated with her, but felt really strange because every other girl my age was talking about kissing boys. So instead of expressing my want to kiss Desiree, I focused all my energy on trying to be like the rest of the girls. I over compensated and came off as “boy crazy” and liked all the popular boys every other girl liked while I silently ogled Desiree and the other tomboy-esque girls that came in and out of my school days.

Then in the seventh grade I went away to summer camp where I kissed a girl for the first time. It was a result of a dare but it meant more to me then when I was dared to kiss a boy from the opposing cabin. I didn’t tell any of my friends when I got back to school the following year but in the eighth grade I kissed another girl at a school dance. The boys in my grade loved it and she only kissed me for that very reason, to make the boys notice her.

During that summer I had an older boyfriend and just went along with the motions until my freshman year of high school. I had had a few boyfriends by then and clearly knew I really wasn’t attracted to guys my age or older but then I had my first full on girl crush. It wasn’t like another crush I had before and I knew then that I was probably a lesbian. She was a senior in my debate class and I had a sneaky suspicion that she batted for the girls team.

Needless to say nothing ever came of that situation and instead a few months later Justine came into my life and that sealed the deal. I knew that I was a lesbian and because I loved her with everything I had in my heart I couldn’t deny it or pretend to be like every other girl I knew.

I’m sure my mom has read through this post and may be upset but hopefully there will be more people out there that enjoyed this post because it might just be a retelling of their own story. I’m proud to be a lesbian and quiet honestly I love and support other lesbians.

Big, small, tall, thick, butch, stud, soft butch, femme, hippie, androgynous, Ellen DeGenerous, ummmm… there are so many others I can’t even remember right now. But, hopefully you get the point. Lesbians are pretty much amazing people.

As my favorite little beauty queen would say,

Cheers,
EA

Censored Uncensored

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I’m one full week in to my copywriting course and I’m already finding myself holding back. Each section of the course has various assignments that need to be completed before the following week and in this first section one of the assignments is to be shocking. Write about a topic that would shock your most meaningful editor, your mom, your pastor or whomever you hold as an important critic in your life.

I chose my mom. Now you don’t have to turn in the assignment or ever show that person what you wrote but the idea is to get yourself to find your true inner voice. To unleash the beast within in order to become a better and more aware writer. Even though I know my mom will never read the half page of copy I wrote I still couldn’t manage to un-censor myself.

I’m pretty much an open book when I’m talking to people. I can ramble on about myself and my life for hours on end but when it comes to writing I do feel restrained. Not only is there physical proof of the things I’m thinking but I’ve been trained to write a specific way and to be professional or academic for the most part.

Even when I’m writing in this very blog I find myself editing as I type to stay positive or not to touch on specific topics out of precaution that I might offend someone. From here on out I have to change my own self censorship in order to be a better writer and better blogger.

Do you censor yourself when you write or blog? What ways do you keep from silencing yourself?

Cheers,
EA

Why 2013 Is Going To Be My Bitch – Part 2

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As we all know on Tuesday 2013 began but what you didn’t know was that a little part of me was stuck in 2012. I lazed around literally all day watching an Alien movie marathon. I spent time cuddling with the pups, snacking on party leftovers and just over all relaxing with Justine. It felt good but a part of me, the 2013 part, was making me feel guilty for basking in the extra day of laziness.

Many people have resolutions to lose weight, stop smoking or dealing crack, finally clean under their bed. Whatever you resolve to do this year I hope you make it through and conclude this year thinner, sans-cigarettes, crackless and with a clean bed. But for me, the only thing I resolve to do is be a better me.

Like many people I too wish to shed a few dozen unwanted pounds but I can’t do that unless I be the best me I can imagine. I’m not going to be so lazy. I’m not going to be so defeated before even trying. I’m not going to be so down and blue and negative about everything.

Instead I’m being proactive by starting to tackle projects I’ve put off in fear of failing. I’m slowly but surely changing my daily eating habits. I’m also looking for the positives in situations and trying to not dwell on the “what if’s.”

Another non-resolution I have is to finish a story I started writing about 4 years ago and try to get it self published. To add more fuel to the fire The Beast Bakery will be relaunching in March. It’s not what you think and I hope to surprise a lot of you with the changes to come.

What are you resolving to do this year?

Cheers,
EA

Why 2013 Is Going To Be My Bitch – Part 1

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Being that there is less and five days until the New Year I’ve been thinking about my resolutions and settled on a few good ones that I’d really like to stick to this time around. I love to write. I’ve referenced my writing passion in a few posts, which you can take the time to find archived if you wish. I don’t write nearly as much as I would like to and that can be chalked up to laziness and writing blocks.

Also, reading is another passion of mine. When I was a kid I would stay up really late reading books in my room with a flashlight. Actually I’ve done that all my life. I devour books and can’t put them down until they are completely done. Don’t get me started on book series, I could read each book back to back and never want them to end.

What does any of this have to do with anything? Well, as much as I would love to be a full time writer and reader I’d settle on being a full time copywriter. For Christmas I asked Santa Justine for the copywriting self study course by Ashley Amirge of The Middle Finger Project. Justine came through and now I am the proud student of this awesome course.

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It’s an eight week self study course filled with videos, assignments, and in depth knowledge of becoming a successful copywriter. I’m excited because this way I’ll be able to use my already impressive writing skills to become a full time self sufficient contractor. Hopefully by the end of the course I’ll have the beginnings of a well put together portfolio and at the very least have new skills to make this blog even better.

2013 is going to be my bitch because I’m going to finally escape the confines of a traditional 9-5.

Bring it on 2013. I hope you’re ready.

Cheers,
EA

Oh God, I’m One of Those

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You know those people that will do anything for a buck. Well almost anything, short of selling their grandmother or selling crack  or walking the street. Those people that come up with the next big thing and it’ll just take them a few more tries until they get it just right. I’m one of them. Or was one of them until came to my senses.

I’m tired of “chasing the dream” when I can’t even remember what the dream really is anymore. I’ve done everything I’m supposed to in life, thus far at least.  I’m chugging right along, but I’m not happy. I’m not fulfilled. I have a decent paying job that pays the bills. I have decades ahead of me that can be wasted at this job but I don’t want to continue on this melancholy existence of working for “The Man.” But, I don’t want to be one “those people” that others refer to as a fast talking, money chasing, failing entrepreneurs. At least I won’t sell my grandmother or sell crack and I’d never walk the streets.

I know at heart I’ll never really be content sitting behind a desk in a room filled with cubicles being washed over with fluorescent lights humming throughout the silent screams each person makes while they type and click for 8 hours a day five days a week.  I tally the days on a 3 by 5 card at my desk, slowly counting until I’ve had enough and grow enough courage to just call it quits and finally do what I want in life.

I don’t want to be one of those people either. One of those people that give up on life and succumbs to the mundane existence of attempting to live the “American Dream.” I fight day in and day out to maintain some kind of sanity while I commute even though I have an epic battle within myself. A part of me says, “Just don’t do it. Quit. Stay home and start writing instead. You can make a living blogging and you can finish that book you started years ago. What about the mobile boutique you wanted? You can live off of saltine crackers and everyone will understand if the wedding isn’t as lavish as they thought it would be.”

Then there’s the rational side that screams,” GO TO WORK. You have to make a living and no you can never make it as a writer. There are already so many of them. No one reads your stupid blog anyway and you have to work. All of your previous ‘businesses’ have failed. SO GO TO WORK.” That side always wins and I find myself pulling up to my job, getting out of my car, and sitting in my cubicle pretending to be fulfilled.

Either way, I am one of those and worst of all I’m both. One day I’ll be neither, eventually. /rant

Until then I’ll keep on keeping on and promise to write more on the blog.

Cheers,
EA

Rebooting – My Juice Fast Adventure – Day 1

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Well, well, well. What do we have here? Erika fell for another diet fad? Of course! A few weeks ago my mom insisted that I watch the movie “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead.” I caved in and watched it. Then I watched it again with Justine and decided that I would take the plunge and begin juice fasting. I came up with a plan and on Black Friday I went out and bought myself a brand new juicer.

I gave myself a good solid week of being a fatty and eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Saturday evening was our engagement dinner to which I engorged myself to top capacity. Yesterday I had my last hooray eating a deliciously cheesy, melty, greasy, cheeseburger and fries after consuming two cinnamon buttered rolls from Texas Roadhouse. I had a good run.

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This morning I woke up excited and a little overwhelmed, got ready for work and juiced my breakfast and lunch. The picture above is my “Breakfast” Mean Green Juice. I accidently added too much ginger to this one, but now I know how much too much is. Originally I felt optimistic about the entire process I have started. This is an outstanding chance to start over. Really detox and get myself clean. I’ve been eating so much garbage I know my body needs this.

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I’m not wearing makeup today because I wanted to give my face a breather. Plus I wanted to show my true emotions of the moment. I feel miserable. It’s only been twelve and a half hours and already I’m feeling starved. I have a headache, fatigue and irritability. I can only imagine that this is how drug addicts and alcoholics feel while there are rehab but unfortunately I’m not at some plush resort in a comfy bed sweating it out. I’m sitting at work trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of wanting to eat the entire left side of a McDonald’s menu.

No one said this is going to be easy and I’m only have way through day 1. God help me.

Cheers,
EA