Lez Be Honest

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Let’s talk about a subject near and dear to my heart.

Lesbians.

I’m a lesbian and a somewhat stereotypical one at that. I figured something was different with me at a relatively young age, but never could tell exactly what it was. I remember when I was in the fourth grade having the biggest crush on a girl that dressed and acted like a boy. Her name was Desiree, she was in the fifth grade and wore baggy jeans, baseball hats and sports Jerseys. She had her hair cut really short and spiked it with handfuls of gel just like every other guy in my grade.

I was infatuated with her, but felt really strange because every other girl my age was talking about kissing boys. So instead of expressing my want to kiss Desiree, I focused all my energy on trying to be like the rest of the girls. I over compensated and came off as “boy crazy” and liked all the popular boys every other girl liked while I silently ogled Desiree and the other tomboy-esque girls that came in and out of my school days.

Then in the seventh grade I went away to summer camp where I kissed a girl for the first time. It was a result of a dare but it meant more to me then when I was dared to kiss a boy from the opposing cabin. I didn’t tell any of my friends when I got back to school the following year but in the eighth grade I kissed another girl at a school dance. The boys in my grade loved it and she only kissed me for that very reason, to make the boys notice her.

During that summer I had an older boyfriend and just went along with the motions until my freshman year of high school. I had had a few boyfriends by then and clearly knew I really wasn’t attracted to guys my age or older but then I had my first full on girl crush. It wasn’t like another crush I had before and I knew then that I was probably a lesbian. She was a senior in my debate class and I had a sneaky suspicion that she batted for the girls team.

Needless to say nothing ever came of that situation and instead a few months later Justine came into my life and that sealed the deal. I knew that I was a lesbian and because I loved her with everything I had in my heart I couldn’t deny it or pretend to be like every other girl I knew.

I’m sure my mom has read through this post and may be upset but hopefully there will be more people out there that enjoyed this post because it might just be a retelling of their own story. I’m proud to be a lesbian and quiet honestly I love and support other lesbians.

Big, small, tall, thick, butch, stud, soft butch, femme, hippie, androgynous, Ellen DeGenerous, ummmm… there are so many others I can’t even remember right now. But, hopefully you get the point. Lesbians are pretty much amazing people.

As my favorite little beauty queen would say,

Cheers,
EA

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Censored Uncensored

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I’m one full week in to my copywriting course and I’m already finding myself holding back. Each section of the course has various assignments that need to be completed before the following week and in this first section one of the assignments is to be shocking. Write about a topic that would shock your most meaningful editor, your mom, your pastor or whomever you hold as an important critic in your life.

I chose my mom. Now you don’t have to turn in the assignment or ever show that person what you wrote but the idea is to get yourself to find your true inner voice. To unleash the beast within in order to become a better and more aware writer. Even though I know my mom will never read the half page of copy I wrote I still couldn’t manage to un-censor myself.

I’m pretty much an open book when I’m talking to people. I can ramble on about myself and my life for hours on end but when it comes to writing I do feel restrained. Not only is there physical proof of the things I’m thinking but I’ve been trained to write a specific way and to be professional or academic for the most part.

Even when I’m writing in this very blog I find myself editing as I type to stay positive or not to touch on specific topics out of precaution that I might offend someone. From here on out I have to change my own self censorship in order to be a better writer and better blogger.

Do you censor yourself when you write or blog? What ways do you keep from silencing yourself?

Cheers,
EA

Why 2013 Is Going To Be My Bitch – Part 2

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2013

As we all know on Tuesday 2013 began but what you didn’t know was that a little part of me was stuck in 2012. I lazed around literally all day watching an Alien movie marathon. I spent time cuddling with the pups, snacking on party leftovers and just over all relaxing with Justine. It felt good but a part of me, the 2013 part, was making me feel guilty for basking in the extra day of laziness.

Many people have resolutions to lose weight, stop smoking or dealing crack, finally clean under their bed. Whatever you resolve to do this year I hope you make it through and conclude this year thinner, sans-cigarettes, crackless and with a clean bed. But for me, the only thing I resolve to do is be a better me.

Like many people I too wish to shed a few dozen unwanted pounds but I can’t do that unless I be the best me I can imagine. I’m not going to be so lazy. I’m not going to be so defeated before even trying. I’m not going to be so down and blue and negative about everything.

Instead I’m being proactive by starting to tackle projects I’ve put off in fear of failing. I’m slowly but surely changing my daily eating habits. I’m also looking for the positives in situations and trying to not dwell on the “what if’s.”

Another non-resolution I have is to finish a story I started writing about 4 years ago and try to get it self published. To add more fuel to the fire The Beast Bakery will be relaunching in March. It’s not what you think and I hope to surprise a lot of you with the changes to come.

What are you resolving to do this year?

Cheers,
EA

Why 2013 Is Going To Be My Bitch – Part 1

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Being that there is less and five days until the New Year I’ve been thinking about my resolutions and settled on a few good ones that I’d really like to stick to this time around. I love to write. I’ve referenced my writing passion in a few posts, which you can take the time to find archived if you wish. I don’t write nearly as much as I would like to and that can be chalked up to laziness and writing blocks.

Also, reading is another passion of mine. When I was a kid I would stay up really late reading books in my room with a flashlight. Actually I’ve done that all my life. I devour books and can’t put them down until they are completely done. Don’t get me started on book series, I could read each book back to back and never want them to end.

What does any of this have to do with anything? Well, as much as I would love to be a full time writer and reader I’d settle on being a full time copywriter. For Christmas I asked Santa Justine for the copywriting self study course by Ashley Amirge of The Middle Finger Project. Justine came through and now I am the proud student of this awesome course.

The Middle Finger Project -Copy-writing Workshop

It’s an eight week self study course filled with videos, assignments, and in depth knowledge of becoming a successful copywriter. I’m excited because this way I’ll be able to use my already impressive writing skills to become a full time self sufficient contractor. Hopefully by the end of the course I’ll have the beginnings of a well put together portfolio and at the very least have new skills to make this blog even better.

2013 is going to be my bitch because I’m going to finally escape the confines of a traditional 9-5.

Bring it on 2013. I hope you’re ready.

Cheers,
EA

Oh God, I’m One of Those

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You know those people that will do anything for a buck. Well almost anything, short of selling their grandmother or selling crack  or walking the street. Those people that come up with the next big thing and it’ll just take them a few more tries until they get it just right. I’m one of them. Or was one of them until came to my senses.

I’m tired of “chasing the dream” when I can’t even remember what the dream really is anymore. I’ve done everything I’m supposed to in life, thus far at least.  I’m chugging right along, but I’m not happy. I’m not fulfilled. I have a decent paying job that pays the bills. I have decades ahead of me that can be wasted at this job but I don’t want to continue on this melancholy existence of working for “The Man.” But, I don’t want to be one “those people” that others refer to as a fast talking, money chasing, failing entrepreneurs. At least I won’t sell my grandmother or sell crack and I’d never walk the streets.

I know at heart I’ll never really be content sitting behind a desk in a room filled with cubicles being washed over with fluorescent lights humming throughout the silent screams each person makes while they type and click for 8 hours a day five days a week.  I tally the days on a 3 by 5 card at my desk, slowly counting until I’ve had enough and grow enough courage to just call it quits and finally do what I want in life.

I don’t want to be one of those people either. One of those people that give up on life and succumbs to the mundane existence of attempting to live the “American Dream.” I fight day in and day out to maintain some kind of sanity while I commute even though I have an epic battle within myself. A part of me says, “Just don’t do it. Quit. Stay home and start writing instead. You can make a living blogging and you can finish that book you started years ago. What about the mobile boutique you wanted? You can live off of saltine crackers and everyone will understand if the wedding isn’t as lavish as they thought it would be.”

Then there’s the rational side that screams,” GO TO WORK. You have to make a living and no you can never make it as a writer. There are already so many of them. No one reads your stupid blog anyway and you have to work. All of your previous ‘businesses’ have failed. SO GO TO WORK.” That side always wins and I find myself pulling up to my job, getting out of my car, and sitting in my cubicle pretending to be fulfilled.

Either way, I am one of those and worst of all I’m both. One day I’ll be neither, eventually. /rant

Until then I’ll keep on keeping on and promise to write more on the blog.

Cheers,
EA

Nine Years and Six Months

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“The future for me is already a thing of the past –
You were my first love and you will be my last” – Bob Dylan

We met when we were young. I was fifteen and she was seventeen turning eighteen. We hid our love, or so we thought, for years from others but reminded each other daily. I have never been so close to another person in my whole entire life and although many thought what we share was momentary and would fade with time has only grown stronger.

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While others gave up on their journeys and have grown accustomed to failing or giving up, we continue on. At first we were against the odds, people doubted, we fought more than we should have but it gave us perseverance. The beginning was tough.

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There were times when we both gave up. Distance drove us apart. But those times we weren’t together were only passing moments because we always found our way back to one another. There were times when I hated her and when she hated me. Times when either one of us wanted nothing more than to throw in the towel and wish it all way.

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A few times money got the best of us and drove us apart. We let little fights turn into full fledged wars and we wouldn’t talk to each other for days. But through it all we’ve managed and we communicate on another level. Many people believe that we are still young and don’t know any better. We both know they’re wrong.

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We have had our fair share of rough times. We’ve seen the good and the bad. We share more memories of pleasant times when we were both content with life. It’s those things that we cherish and remember best.

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In our nine and half years we’ve already accomplished so many milestones. Graduations,  God children, puppies, buying our first home and our engagement to list a few.

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When Justine kneeled down and proposed at Disneyland it only confirmed more, if that is possible, that I’m meant to be with her for the rest of my life. This picture, as horrible quality as it may be, doesn’t do justice to the amount of sheer joy and admiration I had at that very moment in time.

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Justine, I love you more than words can express, more than stars in the galaxy, more than life itself. Six more months until the rest of our lives.

Happy nine years and six months.

Love always and forever,
Erika Ashley

Plan B 2.0 – Virtual Baking. What?!

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The Beast Bakery didn’t go as planned. Yea we know already. So what is a little baker to do? How does a baker bake without a bakery? How many times can I use the word ‘bake’ in a paragraph. Or hell a blog post?! A butt load so get ready.

Due to the fact that there is no real bakery, The Beast Bakery instead will be a virtual bakery. A what? I will bake from little kitchen here at my little house in my little town. Instead of striving for an unattainable physical location, the use of my very own kitchen will do. I mean it has done so well since I began so it will have to do for the immediate future.

Also, since I won’t be driving around peddling baked goods to cookie fiends, I’m going to be teaching you, my lovely readers, how to bake, decorate and DIY the hell out of some baked goods. All you have to do is check back to the blog every now and again for all the new wonderfulness that is planned.

Deal? Deal. I’d shake on it but I don’t know where your hand has been, so we’ll fist bump instead. *fist bump*

Now on to the good stuff. What are you in for you ask?

 

My original recipes, recipes that have been passed down to me and even some I’ve altered over time.

 

 

Step by step guides on how to bake, decorate, and DIY all kinds of sugary goodness.

Everyone LOVES Pinterest. I bet you’ve seen tutorials and recipes on Pinterest tried them at home and been like, “WTF. My cupcakes look like dog poop. Why don’t they look like these beautiful masterpieces on Pinterest?!” I’ll be reviewing pins and tell you what’s really up and how to tweak specific pins to work best for you, a real person.

I’m getting married (civilly unioned actually since same-sex marriage isn’t “legal” in the great state of California) in less than 9 months so be prepared for wedding updates and some other daily shenanigans.

Excitement cannot define how I feel about The Beast Bakery 2.0. PLUS, by mid-October there might be a Cookie Club you can sign up for to receive a “Cookie of the Month.” Hot damn! I’m in business again!

I want to hear from you- Are you in? Are you excited about the awesomeness headed your way?

Cheers,
EA