Mission: BABY Update 1

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What’s going on the Baby D making department? Nothing much quite honestly.

Thus far I have done 2 cycles using only Clomid to induce ovulation. The first month I was on 100mg and the second month they upped me to 150mg. Each month I received false positives on the Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPK) tests I took. But, the second month of Clomid I had an ultrasound that showed the largest follicle measured only 9mm. (Basically squat happened since most follicles are around 5-7mm at all times before ovulation. ) Because nothing really happened and I didn’t actually ovulate the cycle was canceled.

The next month, which was this month, my doctor’s put me on a “mixed” medication cycle. I not only took 100mg of Clomid for 5 days, I also injected 1 vial of Menopur once a day for 3 days. After another ultrasound the doctor measured my largest follicle at 7.5mm. Another bunk month. We canceled this cycle and now I’m just waiting until after Christmas to start taking Provera to bring on the next cycle.

I’ve felt fairly defeated and frustrated because I knew from the beginning that this was going to be difficult but my doctor’s wanted to “start things slow” instead of being more aggressive with medications. So far we’ve wasted a couple thousands of dollars just trying things out. Doctor’s think you’re made of money, because they are, and that you can waste time and energy each month because to them it’s just another work day. I’ve already seen three different doctors and finally the last one I met with understood me and my frustration.

He owned up to the mistake of taking things slowly and wasting an entire month on Clomid when they should have moved to a mixed cycle to begin with. It was relieving to finally feel like I was being listened to and having someone on my side. Next cycle will be much more aggressive but also much more expensive. I don’t like thinking that trying to have a baby is a strenuous financial burden, but it’s not just about the money. It’s expensive emotionally.

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I spend hours, worrying, praying, hoping, being optimistic and focusing all of my energy on growing an egg that just might make it to an insemination. It’s stressful and then each month I get told either nothing happened or not enough happened. “We can just try again.” “Next month it might take.” “It’s your decision.” When really it isn’t. It’s exhausting and when people tell me, “It’s in God’s hands,” or it’s in “God’s time.” I get beyond outraged.

It’s not in HIS hands because it’s in my Doctor’s and my body’s ability and it’s in MY pocketbook. Until you have to deal with the stress and heartache of going through such a strenuous ordeal don’t tell me that it’s out of my control. People use God as excuse for their failures and not owning up to their mistakes. I’d rather thank Him for a miracle than be upset with Him for making me “wait for His timing.”

Anyways, I digress and that got a little heated. Sorry for that. Next cycle we might actually see more progress and I’m excited for that. We just have to get past The Holidays.

Hopefully 2014 will be our year for Baby D!

Cheers,
EA

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Clomid Crazy

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Last week was ca-razy. On Monday I got the “Ay-Okay,” from my fertility doctor to start taking Clomid. Monday was Clomid Day 1 and it went fairly well, mostly due to the fact I was excited to finally begin the process. I was a little peeved that I couldn’t start on Cycle Day 6 because the nurse at the infertility clinic said I would have to wait until my doctor instructed me to start. (Boo.)

Clomid Day 2 was a little tougher. After reading the side effects and being on the pills for a full day I started to feel exhausted and really emotional. Which is strange because the side effects don’t include excessive fatigue. I have never been so tired in my entire life. I felt like at any given moment I would close my eyes to blink and accidentally pass out for hours. If I wasn’t battling heavy eyelids and yawns I was on the verge of tears. My boss is rather high strung, not necessarily in a bad way but in the kind of way that causes you to feel her overbearing energy, and every time she spoke to me I wanted to just break down and sob. Weird.

Clomid Day 3 was a tiny better but still I was half narcoleptic and overly emotional. I think I started to become fairly bitchy as well. I was already tired, cranky and over it all that of course I would develop an attitude. I think I might have snipped a bit to my co-worker and I was certainly short with Justine a few times. I couldn’t help it because my hormones are getting all confused and discombobulated thanks to a new medication. That night after some snuggling time with Justine I cried, like sobbed, for a good five minutes and it was a sad cry. Not a cry session out of frustration but a lonesome, will this ever end kind of cry. It was uncomfortable and I hope to never have another one of those again.

Clomid Day 4 was just about maintaining and I think I did a good job at it. I knew I would be rounding the bend to the final day and after popping those two pills I felt like it was no longer an uphill battle. My emotions were in check and balanced for most of the day but I was so excited to finally get to Day 5.

Clomid Day 5 was the best day of the week by far. After taking the last two pills a feeling of accomplishment came over me. As silly as it may sound it felt good to finish off the pills and all the optimism and hope, that I’ve been trying to suppress in order to keep my standards low, welled up inside me. After dealing with the beginning of the week being so difficult and feeling invincible at the end I can honestly say I can do another round next month since this month was primarily just for practice.

I know this is only the beginning of my long difficult journey, but I know that it is making me a stronger more dedicated person.

Here’s to hoping I ovulate this week. *crossing fingers*

Commence Mission: BABY!

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Hey everybody!

I’ve been AWOL again. Things got pretty crazy with the wedding, more on that at a later date, but I will fill you in on what’s been happening on the Garcia-Santos Home Front.

After the wedding Justine & I went on our honeymoon and had hours upon hours of deep discussions about what comes next. As we planned our future we touched base on various topics and came up with some long term and short term goals. One short term goal was to quit my soul-sucking job and move on to somewhere that didn’t make me want to slit my wrists 40 hours a week.

Two weeks after returning from our honeymoon I did just that. It took a lot for me to just up and leave but it was well worth it. We struggled financially the month I was unemployed but we made it work. I found a position a month later by whim and am still enjoying the challenge of a completely different industry and learning an entirely new set of skills.

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We scheduled a meeting with my healthcare provider’s infertility clinic and we’ve gotten the ball started rolling for Mission: Baby! We started our Trying to Conceive (TTC) Journey in July and that month was full of testing, testing, and more testing. Filling out paperwork, answering questions, pee tests, blood tests, and don’t forget the very invasive in the southern region tests. Some were obviously more painful than others but all in all I’ve checked it all off the list of things to do.

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After our meeting last month with our Fertility Nurse Practitioner, August was focused on taking my birth control to continue managing my hormones since I have been diagnosed with PCOS since the age of 18.  Since then we’ve just been playing the waiting game. We’ve been waiting for me to get my period so I can start taking Clomid pills to force an ovulation.

As of TODAY we are now on Cycle Day: 1! Which means I can start taking Clomid this Sunday. I’m beyond excited. As for Mission: Baby! it has OFFICIALLY started TODAY. AHhh!

*Squeeeeeee*

Happy Friday the 13th!