Clomid Crazy

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Last week was ca-razy. On Monday I got the “Ay-Okay,” from my fertility doctor to start taking Clomid. Monday was Clomid Day 1 and it went fairly well, mostly due to the fact I was excited to finally begin the process. I was a little peeved that I couldn’t start on Cycle Day 6 because the nurse at the infertility clinic said I would have to wait until my doctor instructed me to start. (Boo.)

Clomid Day 2 was a little tougher. After reading the side effects and being on the pills for a full day I started to feel exhausted and really emotional. Which is strange because the side effects don’t include excessive fatigue. I have never been so tired in my entire life. I felt like at any given moment I would close my eyes to blink and accidentally pass out for hours. If I wasn’t battling heavy eyelids and yawns I was on the verge of tears. My boss is rather high strung, not necessarily in a bad way but in the kind of way that causes you to feel her overbearing energy, and every time she spoke to me I wanted to just break down and sob. Weird.

Clomid Day 3 was a tiny better but still I was half narcoleptic and overly emotional. I think I started to become fairly bitchy as well. I was already tired, cranky and over it all that of course I would develop an attitude. I think I might have snipped a bit to my co-worker and I was certainly short with Justine a few times. I couldn’t help it because my hormones are getting all confused and discombobulated thanks to a new medication. That night after some snuggling time with Justine I cried, like sobbed, for a good five minutes and it was a sad cry. Not a cry session out of frustration but a lonesome, will this ever end kind of cry. It was uncomfortable and I hope to never have another one of those again.

Clomid Day 4 was just about maintaining and I think I did a good job at it. I knew I would be rounding the bend to the final day and after popping those two pills I felt like it was no longer an uphill battle. My emotions were in check and balanced for most of the day but I was so excited to finally get to Day 5.

Clomid Day 5 was the best day of the week by far. After taking the last two pills a feeling of accomplishment came over me. As silly as it may sound it felt good to finish off the pills and all the optimism and hope, that I’ve been trying to suppress in order to keep my standards low, welled up inside me. After dealing with the beginning of the week being so difficult and feeling invincible at the end I can honestly say I can do another round next month since this month was primarily just for practice.

I know this is only the beginning of my long difficult journey, but I know that it is making me a stronger more dedicated person.

Here’s to hoping I ovulate this week. *crossing fingers*

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Commence Mission: BABY!

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Hey everybody!

I’ve been AWOL again. Things got pretty crazy with the wedding, more on that at a later date, but I will fill you in on what’s been happening on the Garcia-Santos Home Front.

After the wedding Justine & I went on our honeymoon and had hours upon hours of deep discussions about what comes next. As we planned our future we touched base on various topics and came up with some long term and short term goals. One short term goal was to quit my soul-sucking job and move on to somewhere that didn’t make me want to slit my wrists 40 hours a week.

Two weeks after returning from our honeymoon I did just that. It took a lot for me to just up and leave but it was well worth it. We struggled financially the month I was unemployed but we made it work. I found a position a month later by whim and am still enjoying the challenge of a completely different industry and learning an entirely new set of skills.

Baby D Onesie

We scheduled a meeting with my healthcare provider’s infertility clinic and we’ve gotten the ball started rolling for Mission: Baby! We started our Trying to Conceive (TTC) Journey in July and that month was full of testing, testing, and more testing. Filling out paperwork, answering questions, pee tests, blood tests, and don’t forget the very invasive in the southern region tests. Some were obviously more painful than others but all in all I’ve checked it all off the list of things to do.

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After our meeting last month with our Fertility Nurse Practitioner, August was focused on taking my birth control to continue managing my hormones since I have been diagnosed with PCOS since the age of 18.  Since then we’ve just been playing the waiting game. We’ve been waiting for me to get my period so I can start taking Clomid pills to force an ovulation.

As of TODAY we are now on Cycle Day: 1! Which means I can start taking Clomid this Sunday. I’m beyond excited. As for Mission: Baby! it has OFFICIALLY started TODAY. AHhh!

*Squeeeeeee*

Happy Friday the 13th!

 

Lez Be Honest

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Let’s talk about a subject near and dear to my heart.

Lesbians.

I’m a lesbian and a somewhat stereotypical one at that. I figured something was different with me at a relatively young age, but never could tell exactly what it was. I remember when I was in the fourth grade having the biggest crush on a girl that dressed and acted like a boy. Her name was Desiree, she was in the fifth grade and wore baggy jeans, baseball hats and sports Jerseys. She had her hair cut really short and spiked it with handfuls of gel just like every other guy in my grade.

I was infatuated with her, but felt really strange because every other girl my age was talking about kissing boys. So instead of expressing my want to kiss Desiree, I focused all my energy on trying to be like the rest of the girls. I over compensated and came off as “boy crazy” and liked all the popular boys every other girl liked while I silently ogled Desiree and the other tomboy-esque girls that came in and out of my school days.

Then in the seventh grade I went away to summer camp where I kissed a girl for the first time. It was a result of a dare but it meant more to me then when I was dared to kiss a boy from the opposing cabin. I didn’t tell any of my friends when I got back to school the following year but in the eighth grade I kissed another girl at a school dance. The boys in my grade loved it and she only kissed me for that very reason, to make the boys notice her.

During that summer I had an older boyfriend and just went along with the motions until my freshman year of high school. I had had a few boyfriends by then and clearly knew I really wasn’t attracted to guys my age or older but then I had my first full on girl crush. It wasn’t like another crush I had before and I knew then that I was probably a lesbian. She was a senior in my debate class and I had a sneaky suspicion that she batted for the girls team.

Needless to say nothing ever came of that situation and instead a few months later Justine came into my life and that sealed the deal. I knew that I was a lesbian and because I loved her with everything I had in my heart I couldn’t deny it or pretend to be like every other girl I knew.

I’m sure my mom has read through this post and may be upset but hopefully there will be more people out there that enjoyed this post because it might just be a retelling of their own story. I’m proud to be a lesbian and quiet honestly I love and support other lesbians.

Big, small, tall, thick, butch, stud, soft butch, femme, hippie, androgynous, Ellen DeGenerous, ummmm… there are so many others I can’t even remember right now. But, hopefully you get the point. Lesbians are pretty much amazing people.

As my favorite little beauty queen would say,

Cheers,
EA