Tasty Tuesday – Naughty Edition

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So you and your loverbuns haven’t been getting hot and heavy lately. Maybe the fire has turned into a fizzle or even gone out completely. Now I can’t fix your trust issues or pretend to be a couple’s counselor but I can recommend some recipes that will knock the socks off your boo and maybe even their underwear too!

If you take the much-needed time to follow these recipes and construct these love-potion worthy meals I guarantee you’ll be gettin’ laid tonight. After you wake up from that damn food coma you are going to fall into.

The Pioneer Woman hooks you up with this outstanding step by step recipe and cooking tutorial now how to make a mouth-watering, loin-tingling, sensational steak and rich creamy bleu cheese onion sauce. This is a man’s man kind of meal, but even the daintiest frilly femme will devour this steak slathered in sauce whole and beg for more. It may be a little heavy if you are planning a night of acrobatic sex-capades so be forewarned you may not be doing back-flips right after. So your special sexy someone doesn’t like bleu cheese, tell them to suck it up and enjoy this meal you slaved over the hot stove making them. I thought I didn’t like bleu cheese until I wrapped my lips around a fork full of this sauce and BAM. Mind.Blown.

So you can’t afford to take your loverface to Red Lobster, boo hoo. You probably have $20 available to spend on your efforts to get the love juices flowing again so stroll down to your closest grocery store and pick up the ingredients for this scrumptious seafood meal. Jenny’s Cook Book has a straight forward no frills recipe for Shrimp Linguine Alfredo that will rock your world. If you want to spice it up a bit add some cayenne pepper and call it a day. Seriously this is some good shit and if your honey doesn’t appreciate this meal, I’m sorry you need to dump that zero and get with a sexy sassy hero.
Ok you have two entrée options and you can pretty much add any kind of vegetable you want to these bad boys. Think something phallic. Just kidding… or am I? Now onto dessert!

You’ve had your fill of savory foods now it’s time for sealing the deal with dessert. Nothing gets your hormones pumping like this aphrodisiac-laden ingredient: CHOCOLATE. Smitten Kitchen is chalked full of delicious recipes from breakfast items to sweet sweet desserts. This Everyday Chocolate Cake can be accomplished by even the most novice baker, so don’t be scared. I’m trying help you get laid, not laughed at or broken up with. It’s almost as if Smitten Kitchen is in your house turning down the lights, playing some Marvin Gaye from your iPod and lighting all the candles in sight. If you can’t get your partner into bed with this cake, you might as well start packing your bags now and searching Craigslist for a new place to live. BTW I suggest anywhere that says, “Shared bathroom,” keep looking.
If you feel like the cake is too simple and you need to add even more odds in your favor add some chocolate sauce or strawberries. Bitches love strawberries.
So if you managed to get through this post without even the slightest rumble in your jungle and tingles south of the border then I’m sorry for ya’. But for those of you that are now randy and raring to cook up a love storm – Go forth and prosper and good luck gettin’ it on!
Cheers,
EA

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